


More Than You Know

by CrimsonLoveSong



Category: Death Note
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Angst, Death, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Ghosts, Love, M/M, MxM - Freeform, Regret, dead, matt/mello - Freeform, mello/matt - Freeform, repressed feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 08:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonLoveSong/pseuds/CrimsonLoveSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After they are both killing in the kidnapping mission, both Matt and Mello are unable to move on until their "unfinished buisness" is taken care of: in their case, until their feelings are known...</p><p>Both Matt and Mello look back on their lives and the impact they've had on each other, and finally make known the feelings they both repressed  for so many years. </p><p>Matt/Mello</p><p>WARNING: Smut may ensure in later chapters, rating may change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than You Know

**Author's Note:**

> My first story on Archive of Our Own, feedback is much appreciated

Matt's POV

Neither in heaven, neither in hell, where am I?

Beats me, I don't have the faintest idea; there isn't anything here except...well, nothingness.

Well, if you want to get literal, it's a city, people coming and going, but with no real destinations, only their own thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if they even exist, I can see and hear them, but it seems like they can't see me. It's surreal, like a scene some kind of movie, a crappy one most likely made by hipsters trying to be 'deep' criticizing you if you didn't 'get' some hidden meaning that was completely irrelevant to everything that happened, but nonetheless a movie.

Am I still on Earth? Possibly.

Until I can answer the question of where the hell I am, or even WHAT the hell I am exactly, I guess my best bet is saying that I'm some kind of freaking ghost or something. Sounds about right. I just got here this morning, from the other nothingness. It truly was nothing. Empty space, no people, no sound, no lights, only darkness. Then suddenly WOOSH here I am, on a familiar street corner in the heart of the bustling city of Los Angeles.

Well, only one thing to do then. I keep walking; ascend that all-to-familiar stairwell to the 4th floor, apartment B. The door doesn't want to open immediately, so I have to fool with the knob for a few seconds. It finally swings open; everything was where we left it, the outdated newspaper tossed carelessly to the corner, my PSP hooked up to the charger, and even Mello's half-eaten chocolate bar, wrapped back up, sitting on the kitchen counter.

Who am I even talking to? Ah, who the fuck cares, I've been so confused that I don't even know anymore. Maybe I've officially gone crazy…heh, dead and crazy, what a combination. But after spending so long in complete nothingness, being bored senseless, I figure I have to talk to someone, even if it is myself.

I wonder what happened to Mello after the kidnapping…I hope he's okay. I hope things went okay, both for his sake and whoever tried to keep him from what he wanted.

Mello always got what he wanted. No matter what the price. He was gonna beat Kira, no matter what the sacrifice had to be; even if it wasn't always his to make.

Those first two shots hurt like hell, enough pain to kill the senses as the others pierced through my chest. Mere seconds felt like an eternity, after the first shot, it was like everything was in slow motion as each individual bullet passed through my body, most of them going completely through me and hitting my car as well as spattering my blood over its shiny paint job. Dying was the really hard part. Lying there, helpless and in pain, unable to move. Time stood still, and like in all the cheesy movies, my life flashed before my eyes, specific scenes in particular. All containing him.

\---------------------------------------  
First was the day we met. I was only six, small for my age, he was seven. I was assigned to be his roommate, not knowing what he looked like; I decided to ask a girl that seemed nice in the hallway, not realizing she was a he, and that he had one hell of a temper. Hah, he beat the crap outta me for mistaking him for a girl…

Then to the time when I was eight and he was nine. We were on a field trip to some kind of summer camp, Roger's idea of a reward for the top ten ranks. More like a punishment if you asked me, having to go outside and exercise and get eaten alive by mosquitoes when I'd much rather be playing my precious NES. I had never learned to swim, but that didn't stop Mello.

"It's easy!" he said.

"No!"

"C'mon Matt!" he pushed.

"I can't! I'm scared!" I admitted, before I could blink he pushed me into the deep water. It was either figure out how to swim or drown. Of course, I tried, but ended up going under. He had to jump in after me and drag me out, before doing it all over again until I got the hang of it….  
\-------

And then that time when we were teenagers, a few months before Mello left Wammy's for good. We were sitting on the rooftops, watching the stars. There was supposed to be a meteor shower, so we sat waiting. He snatched the half-finished cigarette out of my hands and stubbed it out. "You know I hate it when you smoke." He grumbled.

"Will you lighten up for once? You're only two points behind Near now, you can make it up if you get high marks on next week's test." He glared at me silently; I only shrugged and looked back up at the sky before pulling out my Gameboy, prepared to kill the time. Hell, I didn't even care about the damn meteor shower; I was still two badges away from the elite four.

"Matt." He spoke, I replied with a grunt of acknowledgement, too busy trying to beat the current gym leader to look up. "Matt." He said louder, taking the handheld from me.

"Whaaat?" I groaned.

"Kiss me." He said simply.

"What!?" Instead of repeating himself, he grabbed me by the hair, forcing me closer and mashing his lips to mine, if there was any slight hesitation in him, it quickly melted away as he tightened his grip and further entwined his fingers in my hair, his tongue slowly slipping past my teeth. My stomach was in knots as I started to kiss him back, the Gameboy disappearing somewhere unknown. His arms wrapped around me, I was engulfed by the smell of leather and chocolate, and with my raging teenaged hormones, and I only wanted more. That was right up his alley. Mello wasted no time in throwing his leather jacket aside and coaxing me out of my vest, trailing hot kisses up and down my jaw as he quickly stripped me down to my boxers before yanking off his own shirt and tossing it aside.

"Would you like to help?" he purred, motioning to his skin tight jeans. With my heart racing, I complied; he only got harder as I finally peeled them off along with his boxers.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time." He whispered, tracing small circles on my hipbones as he picked at the waistband of my own boxers whilst I shuddered at his every move.

"s-stop teasing me." I moaned while he nipped at my collar bone.

"With pleasure." He smirked. "But first…" his hands went to my goggles…

'oh hell' my heart raced, as if taking my virginity wasn't enough, he had to make me completely vulnerable while he did it. Yet, I couldn't refuse him, it was simply Mello. He had to be the dominant one in anything and everything, and even so, if I had to show vulnerability, it would be to him, only him. He yanked my orange-tinted sanctuary from my face without the slightest sign of mercy. "Shouldn't hide those pretty eyes from me," he whispered, nibbling at my earlobe, making me shudder even more...

I never did find that Gameboy again, not that it mattered, I got a new one, no questions asked. That was the night I realized, Mello wasn't just my roommate or my best friend, I loved him, I truly loved him. If only he felt the same. I had without a doubt been a simple one night stand, a fill in, a plaything, no real feelings or anything, just mindless sex. Although it hurt, it was at least something, for while he moved in me, or I in him, while his nails left scratches down my back, I could pretend that in the heat of the moment, that maybe he felt it too. It was a false hope, but it gave me something to hold onto, a dream to keep me from completely losing it after he left. Something that helped me keep hold of my personality in an institution that seemed to wipe away a child's personality while it turned them into animals, constantly fighting for who got to be on top, so that they could replace some asshole we'd never even met. So they could forever live in anonymity wearing the mask of some guy named L. 

Sure, it was Mello's dream, but it was my own personal depiction of Hell. 

After I found him again, things remained that way, I was like his dog, and I'd do whatever he asked of me, no matter what kind of pain or trouble it put me through. I only aimed to please him. He'd flip out if I did the slightest thing wrong, but chocolate always fixed it. We'd share passion-filled nights, with more of the same mindless, meaningless, sometimes even kinky sex, but they'd end with him making phone calls, giving orders to the goons in his mafia as basked in the warmth on his chest before falling asleep. I knew I was probably just his pet and occasional sex toy. But sometimes I really wondered if he could actually love me? Honestly, I don't even know. Occasionally, he'd tell me that I was valuable to him, and he'd talk about how he valued our friendship so much. I guess that was how he showed he cared. But I cared far more, more than he ever knew.

I always said I'd do anything for him. And true to my word, I did. I stole and hacked for him, I ran into the remains of a burning building after he blew himself up to save him, I helped him as he recovered from said explosion, I slept with him when the mood arose, and most importantly: I DIED for him. 

I died for him, and I knew it. Mello might not have seen it, too caught up with the case, and beating Near..but I knew there was little chance I'd walk away from it. But I didn't care, I went along with it, and pretended to let his assurance sway me. In those final moments, as much as it hurt, I was happy, because it had been for him, and no matter how much pain it caused, that was okay. 

Do I regret it? No

I'd do it again in a heartbeat.


End file.
